I had a sudden hit of reality on holiday, luckily I have now returned back home and started a journey to change my mentality.
I love myself a good, honest post. It’s good sometimes just to get your thoughts out in the open because no doubt there are people out there that can very much relate to you. Especially with it being World Mental Health Day, it is important to just get everything out in the open.
Let’s get straight into it, I have posted before about my body and how I can be quite self conscious. My body really started to change after I had the Implant Contraception, in my body I do really think it made me gain weight. I don’t want to say that it is only that to blame but the correlation of time links perfectly.
However, it’s not just that is it. I stopped really looking after my body in terms of exercise especially when I moved to university. I used to do Martial Arts (Choi Kwang Do) twice a week and it was around a 1 hour 30 minute session each time. When I moved to university I started developing that case of making any excuse not to go the gym, mainly that I couldn’t be bothered.
The Reality Check
Okay, so I am just like any other girl and I see all these perfect images on Instagram of these girls looking absolutely flawless on holiday with those gorgeous photos all over their news feed. I wanted to take those images so badly, however it did not quite end up that way.
I had an anxiety attack. I have never had one before but I did on holiday, we were going out for dinner and it was a mixture of being tired and hormonal from that time of the month. I felt so uncomfortable, bloated and felt like everyone was staring at me.
I stopped and just broke down in tears, I kept snapping at James and then just came out and told him that I felt really self-conscious. I love fashion and clothing and I would love to eventually have the confidence to post lots of photos of myself with outfits that I have put together.
Some people will probably read this and think I am being really silly but it’s the image that I physically see of myself. I hate having my photo taken and I do not want to stay that way. So I am making a change and I am bloody sticking to it.
The Unfollowing Session
I have now done a lovely Autumnal cleanup of my Instagram, I realised I was following a lot of fitness girls on Instagram and I was just creating this unreal expectation of myself and seeing it every single day.
Now thanks to listening to Fearne Cotton’s Happy Place Podcast which if you haven’t done already you need to do it. It gives me such a reality check and she has recently done podcasts with Chessie King (@chessieking), Bryony Gordon (@bryonygordon) and Megan Jane Crabbe (@bodyposipanda). Women who promote body positivity and photos a little more realistic. I absolutely adore the images they promote and I need more of that in my headspace. Such beautiful women and nowhere near trying to strive for that edited image and tell their followers and even haters exactly what they think.
I will go on my own journey of body positivity and I would love to get into a place like these women posting photos of myself with my rolls and my jiggly bottom dancing around. It’s so refreshing to see this and makes me feel like that level of a target is so much more realistic to reach.
Because reality check everyone – you can edit and face-tune your images, it’s so easy to make everything look like societies ideal image of perfection.@bookitblogger
Changing my spending priorities
To really kick myself in the bum and get on this journey I have decided to make a serious change to my spending habits. I spent a lot of money on clothing, shoes and jewellery, I find that maybe I have been trying to overcompensate for a lack of body confidence to just find new clothing to in a sense, cover it up.
I have always loved fashion yet I buy all those clothes and do not flaunt them like I want to. I really want to turn my Blog and Social Media with my Book it Blogger name into a place where I can be as Lizzo says 100% that bitch. I want smiley, fashion focused imagery all over this blog because it inspires me. People like Samantha Maria and IntheFrow’s feeds fill me with such joy and I want to be just like them but in my own way.
I have decided to instead of spending money on all these clothes, I have bought a brand new gym membership. Somewhere new and a bit more refreshing.
Joining Fitness Space
I decided to join a brand new gym called Fitness Space in York, its only just over a year old and has brilliant modern machinery, and lots of quirky classes.
Trying out all these new classes are really inspiring to start on this journey, with classes such as Sweatbox and Latin Dance. I got started this week and I already feel motivated and I am hoping to do a monthly update on my mental health and body confidence.
Getting a bike
I have also decided instead of splurging on the Adidas x Stella McCartney trainers that I have my eyes on which are £200.00 and the new Nintendo Switch lite which again is around £200.00. I’ll invest in my health and buy a bike.
I have never been a bike person but it can get me around so much quicker and keep me fit at the same time. That’s my goal at the moment to turn my priorities on my body and my health because in turn that will improve my positivity and happiness. Then I can really start to feel more comfortable and finally have pictures of myself – full body photos on here!
Back to Reality
Of course, we are never going to have every single day being positive and happy because that’s just unrealistic. I am like most women and I have my times of the month where my hormones turn me into a little bit of a monster but hey who wouldn’t be with stomach cramps and being on your period?
I am really glad I have written this post, I like being honest and I have always found that writing on here and getting my thoughts out in the open is so therapeutic. It also works as a bit of a personal contract as this is the vow to myself. I can’t go breaking that vow.
I really hoped you enjoyed this post and if has inspired you or if you follow any other inspirational men or women on social media I would love to hear about them. Trying to surround myself with this positivity and give less of a shit about ultimate ‘insta’ perfection. Let me know in the comments or on my Instagram over at @bookitblogger.
I just want to thank James for really being there because I have never had a feeling of anxiety like that before and you really helped by just listening and letting me tell you my feelings.
That is why Mental Health Awareness and taking a moment to take is so important you can put such a weight on your shoulders by not sharing your feelings. All it could take sometimes is just a few minutes to open up and get it off your chest.
Thank you so much for reading and I can’t wait to share this journey with you all.