As this post is released on the 3rd February it marks Phil and I’s 4 year anniversary. That is a rather long time to be together and I am super proud of us.
Each year brings us new challenges and opportunities and 2018 is going to be the most exciting year as I graduate and Phil starts a brand new job with Future Publishing in Bath!
Now as you can probably see from the title our relationship hasn’t been the easiest ride and unlike most relationships we have never lived close to each other.
We met at college and I lived in Central York and he lived around a 20 minute train ride away.
We then both moved to university he was in Derby and I was in Sheffield around 1 hour apart.
It took us a while to completely make our relationship official as we knew that moving to university meant we truly needed to make the effort to see each other.
We both knew we really liked each other so we just went for it and put the hard work in and 4 years later almost at the end of my university career, WE DID IT!
I feel like nowadays it is quite rare to find couples that last throughout the university ‘student’ life but for us it just worked.
There may be some of you who have doubts about committing to a relationship when it’s long distance but I wanted to give you some true advice that I hope will help you. Now sometimes these tips may work but we of course are all different and sometimes they just don’t work out but i’m hoping my advice may encourage you to go for it.
1.Go with your gut!
I think for us it was fairly obvious that we just needed to at least give it a go. It is important that if you truly like each other and you know you will put in the effort to see each other that is worth it. If you feel worried that it might not work then talk about it.
2. Talk to each other.
For us we both are ‘huge over thinkers’ and whenever we discussed the point of being in an ‘official relationship’ we would say ‘but what if…’. Now it’s good to think of the negatives because you can prepare yourselves but do not just focus on those.
There is a reason that you guys are questioning things and talk about it don’t be afraid to speak your mind. Phil was talking about how he was concerned with us moving to university but I made it very clear that I was keen to give it a go and we both were willing to try.
Even if you do not talk every single hour of each day being apart take time to FaceTime and chat with each other.
3. Plan ahead!
Even if it is putting in time to sit and FaceTime each other. Or if you are at different universities or at work, look at each others schedules and plan time to travel to see each other.
I found it really helped to book my train in advance and have a date to see each other even if it was just once a month it made me always focus on that date. Then when people would ask how we are doing I could always say what we have planned.
Sometimes it is difficult juggling work, university and a relationship but if you truly are committed put in the time. If you are finding it hard discuss it, it is important to tell the truth and be completely honest with your feelings.
4. Trust is vital.
We both talk about this a lot because obviously when you think about the university life you think of nights out and one night stands. It sounds crazy but it’s pretty true. We had to put a lot of trust into each other to go through our first year of our relationship consisting of meeting lots of new people and tackling freshers week.
We both trust each other and do not expect a phone call when ever one of us goes on a night out. I know he is much better of a person to go against my trust and vice versa.
That is one of the most important parts of being successful in a long distance relationship, you are not going to be able to have a happy relationship if you are constantly questioning what the other is doing.
I never really got jealous when he would go on a night out but i’d just feel sad because I couldn’t join him all the time.
5. Be realistic.
Sometimes it’s hard to give advice and for us when I asked Phil for some tips. He said that we just did it. It just seemed completely natural for us to be together and we never went from seeing each other every day to not at all, which I think helped.
We completely understood that when we did see each other for long weekends during our university life, we had to be realistic and understand that one of us does need to sit and do coursework. Organise to go on a date, whether that be going out for dinner or to the cinema then you can balance out that time that you may have to just sit and do work.
Do not get annoyed at each other for having to do work. I made this mistake once and got in such a mood because Phil had to sit and do coursework that he left until last minute. I sat there in a mood wasting valuable weekend time!
There was even a time that I had just got the train to Derby to see Phil and had to get a taxi to his university as we spent a good couple of hours as he printed off work. I could have been really angry but I know that it was his final year and it was important he got his work done. Be supportive and do not waste any time being annoyed at each other for no reason.
I just spoke to Phil about that situation and he said that he appreciated my support so much and he felt so bad making me go to university when i’d just arrived to see him.
I am not going to just act like it is a smooth easy journey because let’s face it’s not.
The moments I find hardest is if I am going out with my friends and I see other couples on a night out or having a date and it just makes me think of Phil. It sounds so cringy but it’s true when you can’t just go around the corner and see your other half that sucks. When I see other couples able to just see each other all the time I get so jealous and curse that Phil and I can’t see each other every weekend.
Phil said that the thing he finds the hardest is if he has had a rubbish day all he wants is a massive hug and a cuddle. It sounds so cliché but it’s exactly how I feel. If i’ve had a bad day at work or university coursework is driving me insane I just want a hug and to just chill out with him.
4 years is a long time and I am so proud that we’ve made it this far and had such amazing holidays together last year. I’m so excited to see what this year will bring.
He has just been offered an amazing job over at Future Publishing with his photography and will be moving to Bath. That thought originally was absolutely terrifying, but I live off that cringey phrase of ‘YOLO – You Only Live Once’ it’s cringey but has a lot of truth to it.
This job is his absolute dream and if the same happened to me he’d support me all the way and that is exactly what I’m going to do. If this means moving with him when I graduate then so be it. We’ve spent way too much time having to be apart so I’m very excited for our adventure this year. If we don’t like it then at least we can say we tried!
I am going to finish this post on a hopefully motivational end and one of my resolutions this year is to not have any regrets. I don’t want to say no to opportunities that in a few years I might regret not even trying.
I hope you’ve all enjoyed reading this post.
Learning a little more about me and I really hope that some of these tips might resonate with you.
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Thank you so much for reading,